im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
