Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
