I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
