Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
