Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize