She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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