I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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