So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
