Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
