Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Two words: blizzard sex
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
