I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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