I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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