Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
