when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
