I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
