Need sex. Gaining weight.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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