i already hear my dad disowning me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
