Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
