i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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