Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize