I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
