whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
