I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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