her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
ttyl tear gas
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
