We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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