my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
