hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
