i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
