Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
