I just cut my nipple shaving
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
