so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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