it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
