woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
