fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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