Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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