its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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