If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
