I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
