i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
