Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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