i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
