Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
