weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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