I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He passed out mid-signature
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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