wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
