I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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