Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
