Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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