He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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