I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
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