who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
