how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
