You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize