you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
