I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
