Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize