If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
