Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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