a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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