OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize