I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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