i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
