you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
