Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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