We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I pour the whiskey from now on
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
