The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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