can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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