So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
