He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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