Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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