sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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