another moral hangover. fuck.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
