Screwed.edu
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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