I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize