Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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