Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
