Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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