FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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