Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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