You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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